In high school, I was happy.
More or less happy, to be exact. In high school, I was in love, an honors student, cheerleader co-captain, and a very active student. I had a lot of friends, and I was very comfortable with my place in life.
I was fulfilled and satisfied.
Now, I am in college. I'm okay. Somewhat adequate. A little mediocre. I am no longer in love. I simp every night to a mixture of Adele, Drake, and Michael Buble. I am struggling to not make academic probation. I am constantly surrounded by people who are so smart and self-determined that I sit in class and feel so lost and stupid. I do not partake in many extracurricular activities. I barely go to parties. I literally sit in my dorm room and watch episodes of Jane the Virgin. I’m a homebody.
I’m a straight-up bum.
The last part of my senior year in high school was hard for me, emotionally and mentally. It was that last stretch until graduation. Not only was I going through senior-itis, but I had a lot going on in my mind. I became a lot more sad and distant. At first, I was not exactly sure why I felt this way. Then I realized that it had slowly sunk in that I was going to graduate soon and that everything was going to change.
Going through my final days of high school was bittersweet, but I made it out alive. I graduated and, it was a happy day filled with many emotions. A lot of it did not feel real, but I still felt blessed to leave a mark on what I thought to be a wonderful academic institution.
Then the summer came.
As the days passed without anything to do and no one to see, I had become empty. This feeling became deeper and deeper as days passed. There were small periods of happiness throughout the summer, but they would go away, leaving me empty again. I felt myself feeling numb some days, not sure of what to feel.
I realized that I was deeply and deathly afraid of this new chapter. I could not stand change. Although I was not going far, I knew that so many aspects of my life would be different, from my relationships with people and even my daily routine. Thinking about starting new gave me so much anxiety that I had so many panic attacks prior to move-in day.
But once the day came, it was not as bad as I thought.
Now, I am overall happy with my decision and my move. I believe that I much more happy and fulfilled than I was before. Sometimes, I come home and I become overwhelmingly nostalgic of the past, but then I remind myself of the new chapter I have begun. I realize that I can’t go back to a certain page just to relive it or rewrite it. Instead, I can look at it and appreciate everything I had learned, accomplished, and experienced. I remind myself that I am taking steps forward to writing my own narrative and that cannot come without the developments and changes in life.
Complacency should never be an option. If you remain stagnant, you will not move anywhere. With change comes growth. With change comes development. With change comes the continuation of your own story being written, so why should you stop on a certain page when it’s just about to get interesting?
Hello there, my name is Rhegille, also known as Mama June by the one and only Joseph Fortuno, who may or may not have delivered my imaginary baby a few years back. I'm a very eclectic and eccentric person, but most importantly, I am a work in progress.